Ερωτικές συμβουλές 2000 ετών

[Nero]

Οι Ρωμαίοι εκτός απο γαμάτες συνταγές και γιατροσόφια για τη δυσκοιλιότητα είχαν και ερωτικές συμβουλές. Το Ars amatoria είναι η αιτία η οποία τον έστειλε εξορία στην terra pontica(κάπου τη σημερινή Βουλγαρία) γιατί είχε τη ατυχία να γράφει για γκομενιλίκια την εποχή που ο Αύγουστος το έπαιζε προστάτης του παλιού ήθους

Before the days of Match.com and Facebook stalking, singles mixers and even personal ads, there was a love and marriage guide for ancient Romans that rivaled anything Oprah or Dear Abby could have cooked up.

Ovid’s Ars Amatoria is a colorful three-part book on how to catch ‘em and keep ‘em for both men and women. The author of the Metamorphosis (the mythological record, not the giant cockroach exposé) includes instructions on how to be a gentleman (brush the dust off her robe even if there’s none there), where to meet girls (the theatre, obviously), and even proper dating hygiene (don’t smell like your livestock). Here are eleven of his best notes of advice for the world’s oldest sport.

1. Don’t expect the One and Only to fall out of the sky and land at your feet.

Even with Cupid pitching on your side, she’s not going to be “wafted down to you from heaven on the wings of the wind,” as the master says. Satisfying love may take some searching, at least in the beginning, and your hard work breaking the two-mile courtship circle will eventually pay off.

2. Learn to know the places where the fair ones do most haunt.
The best place to find a mate back in the day was apparently Rome, despite mythological heroes Perseus and Theseus finding their queens in India and among the Amazons. Ovid’s favorite local hotspots for singles mingling included the circus, the arena, and even the open-air public market known as the forum. For a modern hopeful, that could be the local bar, the public library, or a section of Jersey Shore boardwalk—it all depends on your tastes.

3. The theatre is a great place to pick up girls.

Beautiful women were apparently everywhere in the ancient world (if surviving sculpture is anything to go by), but the go-to place for a veritable “galaxy” of beauties was a good play. There, a Roman could find “crowds of lovely women, gaily dressed,” in search of art and culture. And quite possibly scads of bachelors hoping to score before intermission.

4. Never judge a man, or a woman, by candlelight.

That Adonis or Helen gyrating under the strobe light may be a gorgon under the sunshine the next morning, both in looks and, more importantly, in personality. Ovid warns against an ancient form of drunk goggles as well: “Bringing love and wine together is adding fuel to the fire … If you really want to know what she [or he] is like, look at her by daylight, and when you’re sober.”

5. Personal hygiene is always important.

Research has found that humans are attracted to each other by hormonal scent patterns, but locker room etiquette suggests that you keep at least some of them under wraps. In addition to avoiding strutting out “reeking like a billy-goat,” keep your clothes, hair, teeth, and nails well-groomed and clean. And trim that nose hair.

6. Nothing is so potent as a habit.

If you want the object of your affections to stick around for the long term, begin by paying a visit as frequently as possible. Just as saplings grow into trees and trickles of water grow into rivers, a few friendly conversations might grow into a strong relationship if you take the trouble to drop by every day for a few weeks.

7. Do not make a parade of your nocturnal exploits.

Those notches on the proverbial bedpost might be a pleasure to brag about, Ovid suggests, but they won’t help your or your paramour’s reputation. If you have to spill the juicy details to a friend, at least refrain from painting yourself as the gods’ gift to women or men: “Let us… speak sparingly of our real amours, and hide our secret pleasures beneath an impenetrable veil.” Don’t be a roamin’ Roman.

8. Study that Greek and Latin.

Seagoing hero Ulysses was eloquent (as was James Joyce, who appears to also write in ancient Greek), and so fluent in ancient tongues and storytelling that he had two goddesses after him. Studying the “refinements of life” in language and history just might land you your own voluptuous island sorceress like Circe. And who doesn’t find dead languages titillating?

9. Fortune, and Venus, favor the brave.

Be bold. It helps that the Goddess of Love and all her minions are on your side, but whether your talents lie in translating Latin poetry or unclogging the office paper shredder, you can use them to pursue and woo the one you set your sights on.

10. Be persistent.

“Love is like warfare … The night, winter, long marches, cruel suffering, painful toil, all these things have to be borne by those who fight in Love's campaigns ... If the ordinary, safe route to your mistress is denied you, if her door is shut against you, climb up on to the roof and let yourself down by the chimney, or the skylight. How it will please her to know the risks you've run for her sake! 'Twill be an earnest of your love.” Just check for burglar alarms first.

11. Pay your lovers in poetry.

Finally, Ovid says, the best way to flatter, thank, praise, or seduce anyone is by a good piece of homemade literature. Even if you’re too poor to afford anything else, a few heartfelt words will let your beloved know how much you cherish him or her, and how much you’d like to keep hanging around for the long run. And even if you haunt the wrong places, can’t speak Greek, fall through the skylight, or smell like a goat, they’ll have at least one good reason to remember you.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/51032/11 ... s-amatoria

[Yochanan]

εξαιρετικά ενδιαφέρον ακομα μια φορά!!

[Nero]

να θυμάσαι τα γενέθλια της λέει ο θεούλης

It’s a mistake to think that only farmers working the fields,

and sailors, need to keep an eye on the season:

Seed can’t always be trusted to the furrow,

or a hollow ship to the wine-dark sea,

It’s not always safe to capture tender girls:

often the time itself makes for success.

If her birthday’s here, or the April Kalends,

that delight in joining months, Venus’s to Mars,

or if the Circus is decorated, not as before

with clay figurines but with the wealth of kings,

delay the thing: then winter’s harsh, the Pleiades are here,

then the tender Kid is merged with the ocean wave:

it’s best to hold off then: then he who trusts the deep,

can scarcely save the wreckage of his mangled boat.

It’s fine to start on that day of tears when the Allia

flowed with the blood poured from Roman wounds,

or when the Sabbath day returns, the holy day

of the Syrian Jews, less suitable for buying things.

Let your mistress’s birthday be one of great terror to you:

that’s a black day when anything has to be given.

However much you avoid it, she’ll still win: it’s

a woman’s skill, to strip wealth from an ardent lover.

A loose-robed pedlar comes to your lady: she likes to buy:

and explains his prices while you’re sitting there.

She’ll ask you to look, because you know what to look for:

then kiss you: then ask you to buy her something there.

She swears that she’ll be happy with it, for years,

but she needs it now, now the price is right.

If you say you haven’t the money in the house, she’ll ask

for a note of hand – and you’re sorry you learnt to write.

Why - she asks doesn’t she for money as if it’s her birthday,

just for the cake, and how often it is her birthday, if she’s in need?

Why - she weeps doesn’t she, mournfully, for a sham loss,

that imaginary gem that fell from her pierced ear?

They many times ask for gifts, they never give in return:

you lose, and you’ll get no thanks for your loss.

And ten mouths with as many tongues wouldn’t be enough

for me to describe the wicked tricks of whores.

[Nero]

που λες Nandros,αυτός ο πρόδρομος του κλίκ ήταν σχολικό βιβλίο στον μεσαίωνα

[Yochanan]

it’s a woman’s skill, to strip wealth from an ardent lover.

Σα να διαβάζω Εθνι - o Oβίδιος ήταν μικταου πριν το μιγκταου γινει κουλ!

[Nero]

it’s a woman’s skill, to strip wealth from an ardent lover.

Σα να διαβάζω Εθνι - o Oβίδιος ήταν μικταου πριν το μιγκταου γινει κουλ!

Όχι ρε,στερεοτυπικός Τσάντ ήτανε. Τα είχε με μια Κορίνα,που σε μια ωδή της υπόσχεται ότι δεν έχει τίποτα με τη φιλενάδα της και στην επόμενη απευθύνεται στη φιλενάδα και ρωτάει "σε ποιον διάολο το είπες και μας τσακώσανε"

[Nero]

Να μην είσαι λέτσος αλλά να μη σε περάσει και για μέτρο και όχι καγκούρικα κουρέματα

Don’t delight in curling your hair with tongs,

don’t smooth your legs with sharp pumice stone.

Leave that to those who celebrate Cybele the Mother,

howling wildly in the Phrygian manner.

Male beauty’s better for neglect: Theseus

carried off Ariadne, without a single pin in his hair.

Phaedra loved Hippolytus: he was unsophisticated:

Adonis was dear to the goddess, and fit for the woods.

Neatness pleases, a body tanned from exercise:

a well fitting and spotless toga’s good:

no stiff shoe-thongs, your buckles free of rust,

no sloppy feet for you, swimming in loose hide:

don’t mar your neat hair with an evil haircut:

let an expert hand trim your head and beard.

And no long nails, and make sure they’re dirt-free:

and no hairs please, sprouting from your nostrils.

No bad breath exhaled from unwholesome mouth:

don’t offend the nose like a herdsman or his flock.

Leave the rest for impudent women to do,

or whoever’s the sort of man who needs a man.

[Nandros]

που λες Nandros,αυτός ο πρόδρομος του κλίκ ήταν σχολικό βιβλίο στον μεσαίωνα

Ζουμερό το νήμα δεν λέω, αλλά γιατί η ειδική πρόσκληση;
.

[Dwarven Blacksmith]

Ξεβλάχεψε όλη η Μεσόγειος τότε.

[Nero]

Ξεβλάχεψε όλη η Μεσόγειος τότε.

το κωστοπούλειο attitude φαίνεται απο την εισαγωγή. "Όποιος δεν μπορεί να βρει γκόμενα ας διαβάσει απο τον έμπυρο να ξεστραβωθεί"

[Nero]

παίχτο ευαίσθητος

And tears help: tears will move a stone:

let her see your damp cheeks if you can.

If tears (they don’t always come at the right time)

fail you, touch your eyes with a wet hand.

[Nero]

στο 3ο βιβλίο το γυρνάει εντελώς σε cosmo

I’ve given the Greeks arms, against Amazons: arms remain,

to give to you Penthesilea, and your Amazon troop.

Go equal to the fight: let them win, those who are favoured

by Venus, and her Boy, who flies through all the world.

It’s not fair for armed men to battle with naked girls:

that would be shameful, men, even if you win.

και βασικά προτείνει να είναι όμορφες,περιποιημένες και να ξέρουν world of warcraft

Who doubts I’d wish a girl to know how to dance,

and move her limbs as decreed when the wine goes round?

The body’s artistes, the theatre’s spectacle, are loved:

so great’s the gracefulness of their agility.

A few things shameful to mention, she must know how to call

the throws at knucklebones, and your values, you rolled dice:

sometimes throwing three, sometimes thinking, closely,

how to advance craftily, how to challenge.

She should play the chess match warily not rashly,

where one piece can be lost to two opponents,

and a warrior wars without his companion who’s been taken,

and a rival often has to retrace the journey he began.

Light spills should be poured from the open bag,

nor should a spill be disturbed unless she can raise it.

There’s a kind of game, the board squared-off by as many lines,

with precise calculation, as the fleeting year has months:

a smaller board presents three stones each on either side

where the winner will have made his line up together.

There’s a thousand games to be had: it’s shameful for a girl

not to know how to play: playing often brings on love.

But there’s not much labour in knowing all the moves:

there’s much more work in keeping to your rules.

We’re reckless, and revealed by eagerness itself,

and in a game the naked heart’s exposed:

Anger enters, ugly mischief, desire for gain,

quarrels and fights and anxious pain:

accusations fly, the air echoes with shouts,

and each calls on their outraged deities:

there’s no honour, they seek to cancel their debts at whim:

and often I’ve seen cheeks wet with tears.

Jupiter keep you free from all such vile reproaches,

you who have any anxiety to please men.

[hellegennes]

Οι Ρωμαίοι εκτός απο γαμάτες συνταγές και γιατροσόφια για τη δυσκοιλιότητα είχαν και ερωτικές συμβουλές. Το Ars amatoria είναι η αιτία η οποία τον έστειλε εξορία στην terra pontica(κάπου τη σημερινή Βουλγαρία) γιατί είχε τη ατυχία να γράφει για γκομενιλίκια την εποχή που ο Αύγουστος το έπαιζε προστάτης του παλιού ήθους

11. Pay your lovers in poetry.

Did that. Didn't work.

[Dwarven Blacksmith]

Όταν σε θέλει για τα σιστερσια σου αλλά εσύ πληρώνεσαι σε αλάτι